Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
