You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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