i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize