Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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