Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
