He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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