I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
