he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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