whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
