6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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