You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
