Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
