So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
