Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
