if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
