my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
