There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
