So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
