Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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