Redeem this text for a blowjob
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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