after a month anything with tits is on the radar
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
