and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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