He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
