He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
