Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
