i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
