We're like a lot better than the average bears
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
