you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
