'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
