Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
