i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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