It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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