My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My first STD was from a foam party
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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