ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
