you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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