And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
