twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
