so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
