Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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