Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the liver wants what the liver wants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
