Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
