my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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