i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
