dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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