he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
