Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
