I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
