also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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