Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
