You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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