went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
